dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
