Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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