she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
