if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
