May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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