There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
