I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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