You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
