$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
