Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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