so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
