is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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