I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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