My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
