I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Randomize
