thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so let's talk penis.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
