Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
