he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
