I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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