Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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