I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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