This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
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Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
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Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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