I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Hippo gnu deer
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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