I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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