take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
