i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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