I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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