Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
