Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
