i was rollin on her like bob the builder
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
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Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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