I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
