I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
