I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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