Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
