Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
