I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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