You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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