Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
