I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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