I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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