If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
