If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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