they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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