He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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