The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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