miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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