I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
