This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
