That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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