i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
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i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
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Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize