Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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