"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
