Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
