not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
