he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
