Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
