he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
