I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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