Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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