Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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