I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
