Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
