Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Do you still have your period?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
