these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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