You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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