we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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