What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
