I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize