he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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