this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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