I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
