I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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