So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
