She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
