just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
